Respect
In the recent months which includes my India visit, I have been intrigued by the notion of respect and am in a sense astonished by the difference in the notion of this word that different people may have!
Me and my brother were doing many arrangements for the occasion as it was the occasion of marriage and many guests were coming to the house. If I would disagree with my elder brother and expressed it, I was considered disrespectful to my elder brother. Similarly, my elder brother was considered disrespectful to my father if he disagreed and so expressed. Similarly my younger brother/ younger sister. At the same time, if the elder ones expressed difference of opinion to their youngers, then they were not considered being disrespectful. Conclusion: The concept of respect seems to be one-way road. Given by youngers to their elders.
All male members of the family would work on the arrangements that are traditionally done by them, e.g. arranging lights, tent and other, and the females in the house would do household chores. This divide of work seems okay to me if looked from the perspective of efficient management of the whole event. If a male member gets thirsty or hungry, he has to be SERVED by the female members in the family which seemed to be included in the duties of females in the house. I curiously observed the whole time and found that, most of the times, females were putting many more hours than men, and also their work was physically more demanding than that of men, yet, if a female member refuses/forgets/delays to service a male member for a glass of water, she will be considered disrespectful. At the same time, if female requests for some work, under similar circumstances, male wont be questioned. Conclusion: The notion or respect seems to be, Given by women to men in the family.
As an experiment, I stopped asking my mom/sister for service with my personal chores such as washing the clothes or a glass of water. Also, I installed a cool-water reservoir with a tap at the center of the house, and requested all the male members to take the water themselves if thirsty. This experiment was again considered strange, and if a member was reminded, declared "Yeh America nahi hai Samjhe, Bitti! tum pani laao". Conclusion: Change, we dont like, even if it is good for mom.
It is often the case when I am declared disrespectful to my father if I do not agree with him or my action are not 'passed' by him, even without evaluation of the act itself for being right or wrong. Seems ridiculous, right?? Yes, it is the tale of a family which is quite educated and I am quite sure it is not a rare scene in your house too.
After much analysis, I think the majority of us (Indians) are hypocrites, who often times, without taking the true meaning of respect, judge by thubmrules set centuries ago, which may no longer be true. We have always been a great example of hypocrite, for example, by being devotee to goddess Durga, at the same time, yet, treating like dirt to all woman in our lives, be it wife, sister or mother. Similarly, in the times when son needed to learn the skills that the father/elder brother has acquired , it may have been almost always correct to follow father/elders. But this may not always be true, specially when the society/environment/business/lifestyle changes so much between one generation. The society needs to become more and more flexible and open, whereas exactly the opposite is happening in real-life. Moreover, whatever small changes that are happenings, are due to the non-conforming youths and young adults. Not all of this change may be good, but there is always a value in being non-conforming. By non-conforming, I mean, one does something because it finds it logically right or reasonable to do so, without caring for the ever so prevalent hypocrisy that it should be done because dad said so, or Bharat/Laxman did so in Ramayana.
As an educated individual, we must act rational without hypocrisy, which will be the our first contribution in building better society. The second contribution will be to raise our kids who are educated enough to have compassion for others and capable of making the right decision without hypocrisy or useless and rotten traditions.
Quotes about Hypocricy
Me and my brother were doing many arrangements for the occasion as it was the occasion of marriage and many guests were coming to the house. If I would disagree with my elder brother and expressed it, I was considered disrespectful to my elder brother. Similarly, my elder brother was considered disrespectful to my father if he disagreed and so expressed. Similarly my younger brother/ younger sister. At the same time, if the elder ones expressed difference of opinion to their youngers, then they were not considered being disrespectful. Conclusion: The concept of respect seems to be one-way road. Given by youngers to their elders.
All male members of the family would work on the arrangements that are traditionally done by them, e.g. arranging lights, tent and other, and the females in the house would do household chores. This divide of work seems okay to me if looked from the perspective of efficient management of the whole event. If a male member gets thirsty or hungry, he has to be SERVED by the female members in the family which seemed to be included in the duties of females in the house. I curiously observed the whole time and found that, most of the times, females were putting many more hours than men, and also their work was physically more demanding than that of men, yet, if a female member refuses/forgets/delays to service a male member for a glass of water, she will be considered disrespectful. At the same time, if female requests for some work, under similar circumstances, male wont be questioned. Conclusion: The notion or respect seems to be, Given by women to men in the family.
As an experiment, I stopped asking my mom/sister for service with my personal chores such as washing the clothes or a glass of water. Also, I installed a cool-water reservoir with a tap at the center of the house, and requested all the male members to take the water themselves if thirsty. This experiment was again considered strange, and if a member was reminded, declared "Yeh America nahi hai Samjhe, Bitti! tum pani laao". Conclusion: Change, we dont like, even if it is good for mom.
It is often the case when I am declared disrespectful to my father if I do not agree with him or my action are not 'passed' by him, even without evaluation of the act itself for being right or wrong. Seems ridiculous, right?? Yes, it is the tale of a family which is quite educated and I am quite sure it is not a rare scene in your house too.
After much analysis, I think the majority of us (Indians) are hypocrites, who often times, without taking the true meaning of respect, judge by thubmrules set centuries ago, which may no longer be true. We have always been a great example of hypocrite, for example, by being devotee to goddess Durga, at the same time, yet, treating like dirt to all woman in our lives, be it wife, sister or mother. Similarly, in the times when son needed to learn the skills that the father/elder brother has acquired , it may have been almost always correct to follow father/elders. But this may not always be true, specially when the society/environment/business/lifestyle changes so much between one generation. The society needs to become more and more flexible and open, whereas exactly the opposite is happening in real-life. Moreover, whatever small changes that are happenings, are due to the non-conforming youths and young adults. Not all of this change may be good, but there is always a value in being non-conforming. By non-conforming, I mean, one does something because it finds it logically right or reasonable to do so, without caring for the ever so prevalent hypocrisy that it should be done because dad said so, or Bharat/Laxman did so in Ramayana.
As an educated individual, we must act rational without hypocrisy, which will be the our first contribution in building better society. The second contribution will be to raise our kids who are educated enough to have compassion for others and capable of making the right decision without hypocrisy or useless and rotten traditions.
Quotes about Hypocricy
posted by Homarjun Agrahari at 12:50 AM
12 Comments:
Respect an hiprocrasy - Let me first talk about respect. I somehow grew up to respect my elders. It is not disagreement that causes dis respect but it is the way it is done. I can always disagree with my father when I am alone with him and try to prove my point.. as long as I keep my voice down and use the right words. It would however be considered bad if you contradict your elder at a gathering and say you are wrong on the face. Just imagine how you would feel if someone much younger than you does the same. Well you may become magnanimous and say well if he is right I will accept but frankly be true to your heart.. would you really. What would be better if he tells you in seclusion or tells in front of all that you are stupid. Respect is something one has to earn. It can be by the virtue of age or knowlegde or behavior. It can be anything, but it has to be earned. The more you respect others.. the more you are respected.
As for hipocracy i can speak volumes about how less hippocrat we are compared to a lot of others.. but then, we still have something to improve so I will leave it at that.
Your comments are right but tangential to the point discussed here. The way one expresses his/her views, is important, but that was not the point here.
Is it really hipocrasy or mingling of ego & respect? I think it is ok to disagree with your elders but by showing the disagreement in front of others (sometimes in seclusion also) invokes thier (and your) ego. I think that it is a misplaced emotion. We might also succumb to this emotion if faced with similar situation.
I will agree with homarjun that sometimes people in India tend to hide behind a statement "yahan to aisa hi hota hai...or yeh India hai USA nahi hai". They really do not want to confront the fact that there is a disagreement and they might be wrong (sometime). And this could be true for our elders as well as peers. I will even go further to say that people will think 'its not him...its his american education speaking'. So at times they are already prejuidiced and we find ourself standing on the opposite camp (most of the time). Now, this will be viewed as disrespectful.
I think, respect has its on point of view which change from person to person. Speaking my mind might earn me respect as well as disrespect depending on who is at the other end.
I believe respect have reflective property also. If someone does not repect your thought, indivisuality, point of view; gradually and eventually your respect for that person will erode..no matter how close.
As for the respect for women, I think its because of the legacy of man dominated society which is still surviving in India.
Also, I think respect without reason is like superstition. I am sure, everyone will be able to recall at least one superstition which they might have seen (being eyewitness to). Why do we call it (at least in our mind) superstition? Because it is doing something without knowing reason. There might be some reason in old times...but they are not passed on to us. And I am applying the same analogy to respect.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
second anonymous is me.
and first is me :)
but let me ask you what were you trying to say... i thought the topic was respect. if asked in a line what would you be saying
In one line....well respect should have an underlying reason and if reason is eroded or absent....respect will also erode or evaporate.
Sorry I can't help but add one more line.....if the feeling of respect is somehow wraped up with ego....then HOUSTON WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
As much I like the discussion, I would like to allow people to comment without the login.
Please disclose who you are in the comments.
I am enthused by the discussion going on here and I thank both of you for commenting.
Now, I want to give things a positive turn and bring into focus, closing line I had written.
As educated individuals, we must act rational without hypocrisy, which will be our first contribution in building better society. The second contribution will be to raise kids that are educated enough to have compassion for others and capable of making the right decision without hypocrisy or useless and rotten traditions.
aich
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